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Age of Empires III Heaven » Forums » General Discussions » things that noobs do - discussion
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Topic Subject:things that noobs do - discussion
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White_Korean
Skirmisher
posted 08-13-09 03:21 PM EDT (US)         
well, since i WAS a noob not too recently, I can point out a few stuff lol

1. A noob tries to maintain a 1-2 hour game with just 1 barracks, 1 stable and 1 artillery arsenal building. He wonders why everyone else builds 6 barracsk here, 5 stables here, 2 artillery buildings there, and calls them a noob.

2. A noob tries to maintain a 1-2 hour game, with only 30 settlers, thinking that is plenty, and a higher population can totally uber pwn everyone else.

3. A noob still finds the ability to taunt spam quite entertainting, so each game he joins, he keeps pressing numbers and spams.

4. A noob likes to spam musketeers, thinking they are the best unit. Musketeer is a god unit to them, no upgrades is ok, they can just go veteran, cause veteran is best to them.

5. a noob spams culverins, because they look gold, they must be best, so they are awesome. (they have no damage radius and are weak LOL)

6. A noob is a red lagger, but since he looks green to himself. Calls everyone else out in a 3v3 that all 5 players are lagging red, only to find himself kicked out of the game.

7. For a treaty game, or no rush game, a noob's deck all consists of troops, and only troops.



yeah, i think i mising more. But please share your noob facts too!
I want to wonder if i fit any of the ones that u guys hopefully give out so i can see if i still noob
AuthorReplies:
Droideka_11
Skirmisher
posted 08-15-09 11:45 AM EDT (US)     26 / 68       
Noobs make a trading post when you get a 300 wood start as british.
That's actually not a bad idea

Just chop 35 wood for a house.

"Rot's given a free pass simply because he's Rot." - theferret
DukeLeto
Skirmisher
posted 08-15-09 12:44 PM EDT (US)     27 / 68       
Trismagistos
Skirmisher
posted 08-15-09 02:07 PM EDT (US)     28 / 68       
I was playing with this guy. He told me he was new, and, well, I respected that. Newbies should be tought well and cared to so that they can become good gamers, is it not? I asked him if he finished the campaign and on what difficulty level, and he said he did on medium. That's good enught a training for your first multiplayer game, don't you think?

We started playing. I expanded, I scouted, I built an army. And I noticed my friend, thirty minuets into the match, never actually aged up. Or built anything, for the matter. Just the settlers he started with, all chopping wood.

My reaction was, of course, "WTF?".
So he answeared, with a desperate voice. "Please can you tell me how I build soldiers?!?". Something was very fishy.
I asked again, "Did you really finish the campaign on medium?
"No,", he answeared. "I lied".
"Did you finish the tutorial?"
"No...".
"You know what, I think you actually deserve being beaten badly right now. Go play through the fragging tutorial".

Then I destroyed him.

........

It was a very weird experiance.
ImperialLobster
Skirmisher
posted 08-15-09 02:14 PM EDT (US)     29 / 68       
thats the kind of game I would play for a laugh.

KEEP
CALM
AND
CARRY
ON
≤≤≤≤≤See my YouTube channel for some crazy pointless crap!≥≥≥≥≥
CunniJA
Skirmisher
posted 08-15-09 02:17 PM EDT (US)     30 / 68       
The best noob bash I ever played for a laugh was when me and a friend weren't having any luck getting a 2v2 against real players for 20-30 minutes or so. Then, two privates joined and we decided, what the hell (we've all been in that situation, don't say you'd turn it down). I was China, he was Brits, so we decided that we would win with only two units, Steppe Riders and Petards. So, I kept making standard armies and deleting the choks. By the end of the game, his favorite unit was Petard with slightly over 300 of them. I should have taken a screenshot of that, because over 300 Petards is pure lol.

A_S: "Cunni's pic wins thread otherwise failing due to being 5-7 years behind the times."
"Brilliant cunni simply brilliant"
C_MAG: "CunniJA's post is epic win."
Ha_Luke
Sig Award Winner
posted 08-15-09 08:10 PM EDT (US)     31 / 68       
Lol, nice story CunniJA. I've had once a game against such a noob, I owned him completely. I don't know what he did exactly, I only remembered his name. It started with Bart (or something) and ended with the best number invented by men.

"There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief
[TΣ]_Ha_Luke_331



"All murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets."
-Voltaire
"A good decision is based on knowledge and not on numbers. " - Plato
DukeLeto
Skirmisher
posted 08-15-09 09:40 PM EDT (US)     32 / 68       
Haha^
Anyways one of my IRL friends claims that a 2 stable uhlan spam starting by shipping 3 dopp+ 2 uhlan will beat a 2 rax pikespam because "uhlans kick butt and dopps beat pikes"
musketeer925
Skirmisher
posted 08-15-09 09:58 PM EDT (US)     33 / 68       
Then, don't forget seeing that you can actually build docks on maps like Bayou and sometimes Great Plains. So, of course most of us probably tried to throw down a few Monitors only to find out that you can place a dock, but you don't have enough room for ships. But, that's not really a noobish move, just an ignorant move. If you never experimented with that, then either somebody told you, or you're just not very curious.


Actuallly, on Great Plains, u usually CAN build a monitor, its pretty kik-ass. one time when i was a noob a sarge said "lets play a nr 70" then at about 30 min he started destroying me wwith three monitors.

lol. i died.
White_Korean
Skirmisher
posted 08-15-09 10:44 PM EDT (US)     34 / 68       
a noob goes around every game dropping at exactly 1:59
so now u are stuck in a 3v2 and game is now rated.

I had this happen to me..... TWICE, i was like wtf. Too late now.


A noob goes spain on a nr 60. His whole army consists of full pikeman and roderelo. He never changes them EVER, just spamming roderelos and pikemen while we do all the work.



A noob, or should i say ass, walls your colony in, walls your settlers in, walls your town center in, walls EVERYTHING of yours, and does not build gate, even when you ask, he replies "AHAHAHAHAHA"
so now you stuck, then he cusses at you for not helping him while he die.
HELLOOO, I CANT HELP!!! YOU FREAKING WALLED ME IN




A noob still uses pikemen and x-bow at imperial age



A noob makes more than 1 market



A noob continues to wonder why he keeps getting kicked from games as he is conscript, 3% win chance, and over 200 games.



A noob disconnects or tries to lag game when he know he about to lose




A noob hog's all trade posts and indian posts in a 3v3 or 2v2 or 4v4 game.




A noob spams just one unit.
CunniJA
Skirmisher
posted 08-15-09 11:14 PM EDT (US)     35 / 68       
A noob spams just one unit.
Which if you're playing Japan actually works.

A_S: "Cunni's pic wins thread otherwise failing due to being 5-7 years behind the times."
"Brilliant cunni simply brilliant"
C_MAG: "CunniJA's post is epic win."
Conquerer_MAG
Skirmisher
posted 08-16-09 00:08 AM EDT (US)     36 / 68       
Today I was 3v3ing with 4 other people whom i knew were good and one whom I had never heard of (keep in mind this is on a mac, so there's no PR and everyone good pretty much knows everyone else who's good). He used a lvl 16 HC, which had my teammate and I a bit nervous right off the bat, but he was brits, so we figured that if there was any civ a noob could pull off in a game like this, it was brits.

So I'm Dutch and my good teammate is Iro, and we decide I'm going huss and he's going toma/aenna. We then ask our newb to try and make muskets in age 2, knowing he'll probably just manor boom otherwise. So it's about 3:30, and we're all aging. Then one of the people on the other team goes, and I quote, "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WTF IS THIS?????" Our newb had taken his 14 ville 'army,' GONE OVER TO THE ENEMY'S BASE, and was attacking his TC! So my good teammate and I were both like WTF ARE YOU DOING??!?! to which, of course, he said nothing, because newbs never respond.

But the best part came about 5 seconds later, when he did Taunt 16 'I'm in your base... killing your dudes...' IT WAS SO FUNNY! Everyone besides him was just laughing their asses off, and he actually thought he was supposed to be doing that, because after the game, I told him, 'dude, that was funny as hell, but I'm blocking you,' all he said was 'why?'

Newbs do stuff like that.

GR acc name: Ultraviolet [£eg¡øn]
'hey l0bst0r3r!! r u j3w!sH ?? c@n U t3LL m3 wH3r3 t0 g3t s0m3 k0sH0r r3c!p3s?
i l!k3 k0sh0r f00d th3r3's a j00ish r3st4ur4nt 4r0uNd t3h c0rn0r but it's s0 3xp3ns!v3'
-l33th4x0r
Trismagistos
Skirmisher
posted 08-16-09 05:59 AM EDT (US)     37 / 68       
A noob continues to wonder why he keeps getting kicked from games as he is conscript, 3% win chance, and over 200 games.
...
You just described me.
...

I do not consider myself a noob... I am just not good. But I am nice and hinest about it, and I am willing to improve. That makes all the difference, no?
A414A_Incog
Veteran Musketeer I
posted 08-16-09 06:08 AM EDT (US)     38 / 68       
If that is your case, watch some recs and copy what happens in the recs, you'll improve, it would be impossible to not improve. ^^
Sir_Hans
Scenario Expert
posted 08-16-09 07:03 AM EDT (US)     39 / 68       
A noob drops in an unratet game xD

A noob starts creating settlers in the 2nd age so everyone thinks he rushes very fast O.o
Emperor_Kyle
Skirmisher
posted 08-16-09 11:24 AM EDT (US)     40 / 68       
I can relate to that, Cunni. The best part was that we actually lost. We didn't want to lose to privates so we resorted to hidden spies and tried to hold the water and such, but they went to imperial and got the spies tech while pushing us out of the sea.

I think I mentioned this a couple times before, actually. My partner resigned and I was left with only 5 hidden tashunkes. My opponents could see them now so they hunted all of them down with goons. At the exact moment that my last prowler was surrounded, the game went OOS.

I felt like such an ass.

ESO2: Kyle_The_Brave
Clan: Proud Officer of Trỉρℓε ΣņτễηţϠ, [TΣ]

"Why make your own inspirational quotes when you can just read the side of O_Man's Ssips juices?" - A wise prophet
"The best way to die is to spontaneously combust during a drum solo battle with Lars Ulrich" - The Blair
White_Korean
Skirmisher
posted 08-16-09 02:11 PM EDT (US)     41 / 68       
lol, i dont know what you guys are talking about in TAD or TWC
but luckly for me, I just ordered them from Amazon for 47 dollars

Now in 5-9 days, I will start my supreme rule over TAD and TWC
CANT WAIT!!!

Europe is so freaking boring, get some indians and asians!
Fuzzy044
Skirmisher
posted 08-16-09 02:28 PM EDT (US)     42 / 68       
a noob when he has clearly lost, sends all of his villagers in random places and leaves the computer on while he goes and jacks off or something.

ESO: Fuzzy044
Rank: Master Sergeant lvl 17 OP!!!!
YOU ARE SMALL!!!

1X1 is nice
CunniJA
Skirmisher
posted 08-16-09 02:47 PM EDT (US)     43 / 68       
Hey, don't make fun of Ender Ward.

A_S: "Cunni's pic wins thread otherwise failing due to being 5-7 years behind the times."
"Brilliant cunni simply brilliant"
C_MAG: "CunniJA's post is epic win."
White_Korean
Skirmisher
posted 08-16-09 03:15 PM EDT (US)     44 / 68       
lol fuzzy..... that.....is so true.....

when you kill them, they run their settlers to every where else while they do.....happy time...

I remember in a 3v3, we rushed. We killed them, 1 resigned, the other two.......were there.

You know what we found?
We find MASSES of markets everywhere.
One dude had 3 markets there, 8 markets there....

we were finding and killing 1 by one for over 10 minutes.
I just got fed up and just went imperial and got spies, I mean seriously wtf.

You died, you lose, now just accept and stop being an idiot!!





A noob does not know why the original aoe is called vanilla.
I dont know........... cause aoe 3 makes like vanilla ice cream
brandnizzle
Skirmisher
posted 08-16-09 05:23 PM EDT (US)     45 / 68       
What's with the spacing man? Just quit with the spacing.

Having a signature will finally get me some respect.
White_Korean
Skirmisher
posted 08-16-09 08:14 PM EDT (US)     46 / 68       
no

i

dont

feel

like

it

I never even noticed i did it, until you brought it up, I was just making spaces to organize and separate points, of which you fail to understand with your poor grammar. So before you say anything, retake english grammar

A noob doesnt know what grammar is.
Emperor_Kyle
Skirmisher
posted 08-16-09 10:15 PM EDT (US)     47 / 68       
Noobs use this thread to poke fun at each other, minus the fun.

Noobs type random numbers before a game to figure out which taunt says what.

Noobs get fed up with the campaign and spam Crushingtons.

ESO2: Kyle_The_Brave
Clan: Proud Officer of Trỉρℓε ΣņτễηţϠ, [TΣ]

"Why make your own inspirational quotes when you can just read the side of O_Man's Ssips juices?" - A wise prophet
"The best way to die is to spontaneously combust during a drum solo battle with Lars Ulrich" - The Blair
CrazyLunatic
Veteran Musketeer
posted 08-17-09 02:26 AM EDT (US)     48 / 68       
A noob drops in an unratet game xD
TBH incognito dropped out in a FFA and it went OOS
BTW there is a difference between dropping and drop tricking...

QUACK
ImperialLobster
Skirmisher
posted 08-17-09 04:47 AM EDT (US)     49 / 68       
that is a dangerous misunderstanding.

KEEP
CALM
AND
CARRY
ON
≤≤≤≤≤See my YouTube channel for some crazy pointless crap!≥≥≥≥≥
bloodoats
Skirmisher
posted 08-17-09 05:24 AM EDT (US)     50 / 68       
consider this- there is a big difference in realising that there is an almost infinite amount of economic and military micro one can do and actualy mastering it!

i would say a noob is not one who doesn't yet realise the amount of mental energy one can put into the game but one who doesn't start to master it - therefore-

we are all still noobs and only by realising it can we (with hard work) escape noobdom

extracted from 'zen and the art of herding'- loa tzu circa 1498
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