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The Post-Apocalyptic Saloon

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Topic Subject: The Post-Apocalyptic Screenplay
posted 09-29-07 07:59 PM EDT (US)   


SETTING: The remains of Fortress TMO

Seb: *coughing* …what the hell?
Bk: What happened to the forums?
Gofgij: Someone set up us the bomb. Probably those darn n00bs.
Jax: Bloody wankers. Why can’t they just stay in GD?
NAT: Looks like our home is gone. What shall we do now?
Seb: NAT, can’t you use your super awesome ex-mod powers to set up a telepathic link to the Tribal Council. The mods there must surely know what has happened to our home.
NAT: Well… I would… but I kinda gave away my seraph privileges to Shrink.
Seb: And where’s Shrink? SHRINK!
Everyone [yelling]: SHRINK! SHRINK!
Gofgij: He is obviously not in our proximity. We have to organize a search party. Since I’m the one with the earliest registration date, I shall be our leader. I hereby appoint myself to Chief Postdestruction Coordinator and my task is very simple.
Libertas: To set up an Agency for Reconstruction, which will gather, analyze and communicate information to the TMO Commission on damage, the requirements for reconstruction and the areas requiring urgent assistance?
Gofgij: I was thinking more along the lines of “to rule your asses”, but that’ll do.

[The forumers wander off in search of Shrink.]

Jax: Shrink! Shrink!
Seb: Man, what a wasteland.
NAT: Look at that huge rock lying on the ground over there, I wonder why it didn’t get smashed to pieces like all the other boulders that Fortress TMO was composed of. Hey, wait, the rock… it’s moving…!
KS: Ow, my head…
NAT: …and talking! My, this is amazing!
Jax: Kumar, you’re alive!
KS: Yeah, barely. What a shoddy building, just collapsing like that. It’s what I’ve been talking about for ages, guys, the downfall of HG, it has finally come. That’s what’s happening when you don’t cover games outside of the RTS genre.
FD2: Not too fast with the conspiracy theories, KS. Gofgij, you were talking about a bomb?
Gofgij: Yeah. No idea if it actually *was* a bomb tho, I just felt like dropping a Internet culture reference for some reason left unexplained.
FD2: I guess there’s no way to know for sure before we get in touch with the moderators. Funny they haven’t shown up yet. I hope they weren’t hurt or killed. In which case the forums would be left… unmoderated…
Bk: And that would be… very sad… …right?
FD2: Yeah… I guess…
Seb: …
Bk: …
Bk: OMG finally free!
Seb: The sweetness!
FD: Spammity calamity!
Jax: Erm, has this thought struck you guys, what if the moderators deliberately caused this to happen? I heard Stonewall talking with Cheesewiz yesterday, something about “shutting down” the Saloon “for good”.
Libertas: That would explain why I saw Oliver lugging around a thermonuclear bomb the other week.
KS: that would also explain Stonewall’s recent obsession with World in Conflict. It is clear that he was using the game as a simulator to try out different nuclear weapon tactics.
Gofgij: Wow. Jack Thomson was right after all.
FD2: But why would the mods turn against us? We, who are so well-behaved… always following the rules… never posting any fad threads…
Heavily pixelated ghost: It is a mystery.
Jax: Indeed.
NAT: Perhaps this is a punishment for the decline of quality threads and replies from our part of late. Oliver was kinda alluding to that issue in his last screenplay.
Bk: Yeah, and come to think of it, no-one continued on that screenplay. It just died after a week or so.
Libertas: It must’ve saddened him a lot.
KS: bull****. All mods are incompetent, insensitive jerks, that’s why I left. HG HAS FINALLY DISINTEGRATED. MY PREDICTIONS WERE TRUE. DOWN WITH THE COVENANT.
Seb: Enough with the disgruntled-ex-mod-syndrome, Kumar. That’s so 2006.

Meanwhile in the desolate tower of The Tribal Council, where our beloved moderators reside.

Stonewall: That worked entirely according to plan, didn’t it?
Cheesewiz: I suppose so. Oliver, are you sure no-one saw you when you placed the bomb?
Oliver: Absolutely sure. I photoshopped a identical copy of me to take care of all my tasks while I was gone. No-one could possibly suspect that I was busy elsewhere.
Stonewall: Good, good. Now we should lie low until the dust has settled. Once the perfect opportunity arrives we will initiate phase two. Taufiq?
Taufiq: Yes?
Stonewall: Shuffle the cards.
Taufiq: K!
Oliver: Any idea where Xiphias is? I haven’t seen him around since we blew up the fortress.
Cheesewiz: Not Luke either. I wonder where they are?
Stonewall: They were security issues. I had to take care of them.
Oliver: What do you mean security issues? What have you done to them?
Stonewall: You don’t have to know. [staring coldly at Oliver] Don’t you have faith in your dear leader’s decisions?
Oliver: Why… of course I have! Whatever you say, oh bright one!
Stonewall: Very well. Now run off and clean the Future ES Games Forum. It is messy.
Oliver: Your word is my command!

[Oliver leaves]

Stonewall: He’s also a security issue. Cheesewiz, I want you to snipe him before dusk.
Cheesewiz: Banning an angel? Surely thou jesteth? My ban stick isn’t configured for such tasks, I have no such privileges…
Stonewall: Then I will give them to you.
Taufiq: Without consulting the EXCO? Stonewall, this makes no sense - why take such a risk? What if Zen finds out about this?
Stonewall: Leave Zen to me.
Taufiq: Or the FMT!
Stonewall: I am the FMT! Now shuffle the cards and shut up!
Cheesewiz: These plot twists scare me.
posted 09-29-07 08:01 PM EDT (US)     1 / 27  
I only had time to read the lines said by me, which made it difficult to understand the story.


    
posted 09-29-07 08:14 PM EDT (US)     2 / 27  
*ctrl-f "elpea"*
*No matches found*

posted 09-29-07 08:17 PM EDT (US)     3 / 27  
Dang, I wish I were there with yall at the time.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

I heard distant forests all the time - CunniJA
I found my Jabra!
posted 09-29-07 08:18 PM EDT (US)     4 / 27  
*ctrl-f "elpea"*
*No matches found*
That's what you get for betraying us for Halo Wars.
posted 09-29-07 08:22 PM EDT (US)     5 / 27  
Fine fine, I'll read it.

posted 09-29-07 08:22 PM EDT (US)     6 / 27  
lulz...I AM the FMT.

posted 09-29-07 08:24 PM EDT (US)     7 / 27  

[This message has been edited by Arkhane (edited 09-29-2007 @ 08:25 PM).]

posted 09-29-07 08:25 PM EDT (US)     8 / 27  

posted 09-29-07 09:13 PM EDT (US)     9 / 27  
Stonewalls evil is subpar.

(is not as helluva drug as pepe)
posted 09-29-07 09:29 PM EDT (US)     10 / 27  
You know Oliver, you shouldn't tell them EXACTLY how it happened...

Hmm...*tries to ban Oliver*

Wow...that would actually need to click the final button

Ex-Seraph Cheesewiz - Former WICH Webmaster, AOE3H Webmaster, & RTWH Staff, HeavenGames LLC
World_in_Conflict_Heaven || Age_of_Empires_III_Heaven || Support_HeavenGames || The_Playpen || Do_The_Right_Thing
posted 09-29-07 10:38 PM EDT (US)     11 / 27  
Spammity Callamity...haha. Looks like Olly looked in TMO 4: Dio the Magic Dragon.

Nice job, Olly.
posted 09-29-07 10:47 PM EDT (US)     12 / 27  
I appreciated the WiC reference.

Feed the birds
posted 09-29-07 11:19 PM EDT (US)     13 / 27  
Alas the truth is HG is dying.

Can you do the Double Yoda?
A sexual move, where you do a double backflip, insert your penis into the orifice of choice, and scream, "Afraid are you?"
posted 09-29-07 11:21 PM EDT (US)     14 / 27  
Who is Seb?

Anyway, where do I come into the story ?

Lolocausts are fun.
posted 09-29-07 11:45 PM EDT (US)     15 / 27  
NAT: Perhaps this is a punishment for the decline of quality threads and replies from our part of late. Oliver was kinda alluding to that issue in his last screenplay.
Bk: Yeah, and come to think of it, no-one continued on that screenplay. It just died after a week or so.
Haha, yeah. That's a pretty sad reflection on us.

posted 09-29-07 11:57 PM EDT (US)     16 / 27  
Avez-Vous Dio?
posted 09-30-07 01:11 AM EDT (US)     17 / 27  
You think the moderators would nuke any of the other free-chat rooms in other places?

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

I heard distant forests all the time - CunniJA
I found my Jabra!
posted 09-30-07 01:31 AM EDT (US)     18 / 27  

"Arvy is randomly full of win." - Skarr
"I don't watch cartoons, those are for third class people." - Arvy
"Yeah, children, those third class people." - Sails
And because I bet Blatant he wouldn't be orange in two days and lost... HEIL BLATANT!
posted 09-30-07 03:15 AM EDT (US)     19 / 27  
My hands are getting very tired

posted 09-30-07 05:49 AM EDT (US)     20 / 27  
Woo. (h5)

house won this
posted 09-30-07 06:49 AM EDT (US)     21 / 27  
more me!

Emperor of the Benelux
Founder of the Commonwealth of Planets
Founder and CEO of JF
posted 09-30-07 11:40 AM EDT (US)     22 / 27  
I always knew I could be a movie star. Now I just have to get out of this place.

"I do not suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it"-unknown
posted 09-30-07 11:50 AM EDT (US)     23 / 27  
I don't see any girls in this screenplay! (Aha i almost wrote roleplay)

Tut tut!

Let's get down to business- to defeat The Huns!
posted 10-01-07 03:47 AM EDT (US)     24 / 27  
Who is Seb?

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posted 10-01-07 11:48 AM EDT (US)     25 / 27  
I don't know what you mean by no girls...Cheesewiz played a major part!

posted 10-02-07 00:43 AM EDT (US)     26 / 27  

★ ★ ★ ★ ★
posted 10-04-07 00:51 AM EDT (US)     27 / 27  

Two reasons why underlining sucks:

1. Italics look way better.
2. Click here.

Age of Empires III Heaven » Forums » The Post-Apocalyptic Saloon » The Post-Apocalyptic Screenplay
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